Hey, you guys! (Goonies reference- 5 points if you caught it) I’m currently blogging from my car- while parked at Sonic. I’m making a valiant effort not to order tater tots. My theory is if I order a really large drink (it’s roughly the length of my torso) they won’t judge me if I sit in their parking lot and work on blog stuff.
I hope all of you had a wonderful holiday season- I hope your Christmas was merry, your Hanukkah happy, and your New Year sparkly and bright. I’m essentially just coming to the surface after a post holiday health meltdown which included bronchitis, Flu A, and sinus/ ear infection. Y’all, this mess started the day after Christmas, and I finished my last antibiotic LAST NIGHT. So, yeah, February 1 feels like my New Year. January was the month of feeling like I’d been banished to Illness Island (which is neither exotic nor tropical).
So, since I’m experiencing a very belated New Year, I thought it might be a nice time to talk about resolutions. My resolution comes with a bit of a back story, and so bear with my digression.
I entered into 2018 feeling very “meh.” I wasn’t especially excited about anything. (Granted, I had the flu on Jan 1, so life wasn’t exactly full of adventure.) I didn’t have writing goals or advocacy goals. I didn’t even have personal goals. (Don’t get me wrong- I’ve had the goal of losing a few pounds for the last 15 years, but at this point it goes without saying- or, you know, actual effort.) Medical/ Health things that I had high hopes for didn’t work out- and brought the possibility of scary new diagnoses. I didn’t feel like I was coping as well as normal. I mean, normally, I eat junk and watch trash tv for a day, and after a day of wallowing I have an action plan. However, I couldn’t get there. I couldn’t set goals. To be honest, I was so devoid of my normal “Tiffany-sparkle” that I began to feel like a fraud for ever believing I was that person.
But with time and a lot of buffalo chicken wings (weird fact: since the flu, I don’t like chocolate, and I crave hot sauce!), I started to notice a recent pattern. Throughout the previous months, I had let a lot of little habits slide. You see, I felt tired, overwhelmed by Christmas craziness, and a little overextended. Instead of countering that by stepping back and not trying to do everything- I responded by giving up things that I enjoy.
Now, I’m not suggesting that we should always put pedicures and facials ahead of responsibilities, but I am suggesting that self-care is important. You see, I continued to meet the obligations I had to others, but I stopped everything else. I said I was too tired for the gym. I justified not writing by saying my brain was too foggy. I told myself that I hadn’t fixed my hair is weeks, because my shoulders hurt. All my excuses were true. However, at the heart of them, the truth was that I had stopped making time for myself.
I’m not proud of it- nor am I trying to be some tragic martyr. My failure had nothing to do with others’ demands of me- and everything to do with how I responded to them. I am still making an effort to help others- my resolution of self- care was never about selfishness. However, I’ve resolved to find time for myself every day. Personally, I’ve said that time can’t be used for napping, because I don’t necessarily find that restorative. I’m practicing Spanish daily (with very limited success thus far), fixing my hair occasionally, and today I began making time to write.
Being sick is a daily battle for so many of us. And, regardless, everyone has their own set of struggles. I want to encourage you to make some time for yourself. Learn a language; read a book; do something that takes your focus off the struggle for a few minutes.
Peace, love, and health.